As I was relaxing this holiday and pondering the mysteries of the universe, I started thinking, “I should blog more. My fan is probably wondering what’s going on in my life.” Then I came to my senses and realized that most of my reader(s) are probably doing exactly what I am doing—figure skating—or eating hummus.
Regardless of your desire to read about my holidays, I will let you know about a few things that happened:
- I highly recommend getting sick just before the holidays because you can avoid the guilt associated with holiday overeating. I mean, you NEED to recover nutrients you missed while you weren’t eating, right? As you well may know I got real sick on the 19th. I believe I had a bad case of the scurvy on account o’ I haven’t eaten any vegetables since 1993. The illness was great for my physique, however—I started of the holiday break by losing 15 pounds in 2 days.
- Bowl games are fun. My wife Limpy bought me tickets to the Las Vegas Bowl in sunny (viva Las) Vegas,
. So, illness or no, I fired up the Honda and drove to Vegas with my wife Limpy. While we were there, I started feeling better—and then the hunger hit. I was hungry from sunup to sundown, but Vegas is full of buffet and fast food, so things were okay. Nevada
- Buy the right gift. Most of my Christmas joy this last couple of years has come from buying the right gift for the right person. Example: 1) my wife Limpy and I got the nephews a racecar set (of the slotcar variety.) 2) We got the niece a My Little Pony megaset. 3) My wife Limpy bought me a Barbecue grill. I bought her a leather jacket and a digital camera. ALL of these presents were very well received and I got more satisfaction from the giving than the receiving (though I do recommend the receiving part.)
- Chocolate is not a bad thing. Okay strictly speaking, it could be better for you. On the whole and scientifically speaking, it’s disgusting—brown plastic solid that creates a phegm film in the back of your throat. Regardless of its components though, chocolate is a glorious substance especially when combined with hazelnuts and hazelnut derivatives. It also has mind-numbing, sedative qualities for hyperactive pre-teens.
Things I learned I do not like about the holidays:
- Twenty five (25) people + one (1) bathroom + people recovering from illnesses = bad.
- Leftovers=good. Quantity of leftovers = bad.
- Electronic-noises + board books, action figures or caterpillars = bad
- Kneeling + cement floor + racecar set setup + loops + 2 hours + one instruction sheet + said instruction sheet having no specifics, pictures or details = bad.
- Disney = Devil.
- Pony + fluorescent + styleable hair + “do you want to help me make this pony pretty?” = bad.
- Finally, children’s choirs + Christmas carols in spanish + volume + six (6) hours=bad.
A couple of photos taken with the digital camera that I bought my wife Limpy:
1) Sunset over Enoch, Utah, 12/23/05.
2) My wife Limpy and me at the Wynn casino in Las Vegas.