Thursday, December 20, 2007

177. Enter the Juggernaut (also: Cesarean Sickness)

So I’m it. That doesn’t mean to me what it used to onaccounta—I’m really, really lazy in writing lately. It started as an “I don’t have time to blog because I have a huge project” thing, and ended up as an “I guess I’m not showering this week” thing. After that, I started to actually feel lazy. So whatever chain-blogger thing you wanted me to pass on MG, that’s just not going to happen, so you’ll have to aguantare.

Anyway, for those of you who are still of the caring-about-stupidramblings’-blog persuasion, my wife Limpy and I delivered the Juggernaut last week. He’s a healthy baby boy, 6 lbs. 14 oz., and 18 ½ inches long. The First Mate celebrated by puking the entire contents of last month’s cumulative meals on the night we brought the Juggernaut home. He puked a lot. Very much. All over dear old dad. That’s me.

I handled it about as well as you could expect from a guy named stupidramblings, which is to say I called in my wife Limpy to clean it all up while I showered. Juxtapose the frantic, frightened crying of the First Mate against the peaceful sleeping of the then two-day-old Juggernaut and I think you’ll arrive at a wonderful mental state. I know I have. The memories of that night are bliss, bliss, bliss in my head.

Shamefully, as the whole event was taking place, I was still looking for ways to be lazy but at the same time try to protect my investments. I mean, you know you’re a homeowner when your child is trying to stain at least half of the carpeting yardage in your home and your first thought is to avoid having to clean up any more than you absolutely have to. I won’t go into too many details, but it turns out the bathtub is a marvelous place for a father and son to share a drink from the fire hose.

Enough of that. My wife Limpy is recovering nicely from her C-section. (BTW, I’m sure many of you will be as surprised as I was to learn the C in C-section refers to the manner in which Julius Caesar was born, not the shape of the incision made in the abdomen. Who knew?) I had saved vacation time all year so I could take time off this Christmas to spend with my family. I’m happy to have done so, because I’m bonding with the Juggernaut fairly rapidly. He doesn’t do much but sleep so far, but I’ve found he likes TV wrastlin' and Pirates. Other than that he just sleeps. That’s why I don’t have much information about him except that he’s healthy and we’re all very happy about that.

The First Mate, however, is just starting to do hilarious stuff that kids do. For example, our favorite song lately is ‘Old MacDonald.’ That’s because here’s how we sing it at our house:

Me: Old MacDonald had a farm,
The First Mate: E-I-E-I-E-I-YAH-YAH-YAH!
Me: And on that farm he had a cow,
The First Mate: E-I-E-I-E-I-YAH-YAH-YAH!
Me: With a MOO here and a MOO there, here a MOO, there a MOO, everywhere a MOO, MOO. Old MacDonald had a farm,
The First Mate: E-I-E-I-E-I-YAH-YAH-YAH... (repeat “YAH” until sleeping or eating.)

We’ve also been learning strategic, spastic shouting in songs about sun-BEAMs. On the entertainment front, we love Word World and Phenomenon. The First Mate gets a real kick out of building words and Voldemort’s dark magic.

And that’s how we’ve been.


davecharliebrown said...


Th. said...


At least you've been.